Dear Dr. Pinstriper - Issue #2

Dear Dr. Pinstriper

Gnarly Magazine Issue #3 (January 2018) will be back from the printers and launching soon, with a new edition of the Dear Dr. Pinstriper feature. The Dear Dr. Pinstriper feature started with Issue #2 and, as a thank you for your support, I figured I'd share the good doctor's sage words with you, the loyal Gnarly Magazine readers! 

Dear Dr. Pinstriper

A surly old pinhead answers all your questions...

DEAR DR. PINSTRIPER:

I can't seem to get the consistency of my 1 Shot right. It's either too runny or it too thick. What should I do?

–Stripeless in Seattle

DEAR STRIPELESS:

Like my grandfather used to say: "Wow, dude, that sucks! You're doing it terribly wrong. Try again, dumb dumb." So... practice, practice, practice?

...

DEAR DR. PINSTRIPER:

Is it true that pinstriping brushes are made of squirrel hair?

-Rocky, Philadelphia, PA

DEAR ROCKY:

I don't know, man. Maybe they are, and maybe they're made out of my butt hair. Do I look like Dr. Dolittle to you?

...

DEAR DR. PINSTRIPER:

I'm thinking about becoming a tattoo artist. It's been my dream for about 3 months now and I really think I'm gonna do it! Do you have any advice?

–Taz4Life, Boston, MA

DEAR TAZ4LIFE:

My advice for you is to fill up a portfolio full of wizards and wolf sketches and go down to your local tattoo salon, along with $125 cash money, and tell the owner that you'd like to be an apprentice. All of those wizards will show him you mean business. And the $125 shows him you got what it takes to cover the apprentice fee. Then let him know about your three month old dream and your desire to create art -permanently– on someone's body with a tattoo gun. And I can't stress enough that you should call it a gun. Also, let him know that you won't scrub tubes. That's gross. Good luck on your quest and be sure to check in with us next week and let us know how your dream of being a sign painter is going.

...

DEAR DR. PINSTRIPER:

I'm having problems...

DEAR WHOEVER:

Shut up. Buy a motorcycle. All your problems can be solved simply by hopping on your motorcycle and riding the stress away.

...

DEAR DR. PINSTRIPER:

I live in Pittsburgh and the winters can get pretty cold. I pinstripe in my garage so the temperature is pretty low and my enamels don't flow as nicely as they do in the spring. What's causing this?

-PennsGirl87, Pittsburgh, PA

DEAR PENNSGIRL87:

Ew. Pittsburgh? Really? Move. Also, Crosby sucks.

(If you don't live in PA, you're not gonna get this reference. Too bad.)

...

DEAR DR. PINSTRIPER:

What's the best way to remove old pinstriping from a motorcycle tank?

-Chuck, San Diego, CA

DEAR CHUCK:

This may sound odd, but regular old oven cleaner will remove unwanted stripes from your tank. It couldn't be any easier: Just spray the oven cleaner over top of the old pinstripes, then grab a belt sander and grind away those stripes in no time flat!

DEAR DR. PINSTRIPER:

My boyfriend just bought a bagger motorcycle and I don't know what to do now. Should I leave him?

-Bobber Betty, Nashville, TN

...

DEAR BOBBER BETTY:

No, I don't think you should do anything that drastic just because your boyfriend chooses to ride a bagger. Is it possible you could post a Craigslist ad to see if you can get someone to steal it?

...

Would you like to appear in the Dear Dr. Pinstriper feature? Just send your questions to the address below for a chance to be included in the sensationally great new feature!

Gnarly Magazine
c/o Dr. Pinstriper
PO Box 5043
Limerick, PA 19468



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